theres no point in breathing.

recently i havent been feeling like much of a girl. appearance wise.
so today i got nails and a pedicure. my nails are not very long and have no polish on them, since they have to look natural at work.
i have been making so many poor decisions recently. three weeks of not seeing my lady has allowed me to backslide.
she said to me, lindsey, dont waste your time on him, hes a fucking loser. she also said, paying attention to yourself is hard, and sometimes youre gonna fuck it up.
im sitting here on my laptop at my desk, with my new ipod charging, waiting for ramona to get here and make me a blonde once again. i have no colored my hair since april.
everyone is fighting or sad and i am so tired of it. josh is in the dining room telling ro he was just joking!
im finally starting to get over some things. i dont know if it is because i have other things to distract me, or if it is just time on my side. i wish i had not put myself out there so much. i guess i really am not ready to be with anyone. i kid myself in thinking i can handle something or someone, when later down the road, one week, it blows up in my face.
i need to not drink as much. its not good for me. i should have never let myself get as drunk as i did on my birthday. that was irresponsible and uncalled for. i am sure i put on quite a show for all of my friends but for me, it is just another instance of me not paying attenton to myself.
[its hard to type with nails]
matt is moving out. he says it is because it is too expensive for him to live here. i think we all know he will be happier with kyle and ian. we need someone to move into the room next to mine. its so very cheap. only 325 a month. and now katie can let kittles out of her room and i can get another kitten.
its dinner time with ian pat ro and josh.
i really have such wonderful friends.
in the near future i am going to be calling on the help of everyone for a project i want to do.