theres no point in breathing.

recently i havent been feeling like much of a girl. appearance wise.
so today i got nails and a pedicure. my nails are not very long and have no polish on them, since they have to look natural at work.
i have been making so many poor decisions recently. three weeks of not seeing my lady has allowed me to backslide.
she said to me, lindsey, dont waste your time on him, hes a fucking loser. she also said, paying attention to yourself is hard, and sometimes youre gonna fuck it up.
im sitting here on my laptop at my desk, with my new ipod charging, waiting for ramona to get here and make me a blonde once again. i have no colored my hair since april.
everyone is fighting or sad and i am so tired of it. josh is in the dining room telling ro he was just joking!
im finally starting to get over some things. i dont know if it is because i have other things to distract me, or if it is just time on my side. i wish i had not put myself out there so much. i guess i really am not ready to be with anyone. i kid myself in thinking i can handle something or someone, when later down the road, one week, it blows up in my face.
i need to not drink as much. its not good for me. i should have never let myself get as drunk as i did on my birthday. that was irresponsible and uncalled for. i am sure i put on quite a show for all of my friends but for me, it is just another instance of me not paying attenton to myself.
[its hard to type with nails]
matt is moving out. he says it is because it is too expensive for him to live here. i think we all know he will be happier with kyle and ian. we need someone to move into the room next to mine. its so very cheap. only 325 a month. and now katie can let kittles out of her room and i can get another kitten.
its dinner time with ian pat ro and josh.
i really have such wonderful friends.
in the near future i am going to be calling on the help of everyone for a project i want to do.

ive backslid in the past three weeks and now im on the up and up.
anne sapp told me today that its hard to pay attention to yourself, and sometimes youre gonna fuck it up.
tonight at work i made 169 which is a huge disappointment. i should have made about 50 more than that. i really wanted to break 200.
matt is moving out so we need someone to move in.
i need someone to buy my car.
anna trained at work tonight and i am so excited for her to work there.
i need a new daytime job.
jesse is the cutest little wolf ever. he is having a dream i think and all of his paws are twitching. maybe in his dream he is running.
my teeth will soon be white.
why doesnt leigh chafin poindexter live here with me. please!
im going to chris' now. goodnight

casual sex ..is it irrational? [yes i think it's time to find out why and soon i fall asleep, it's nighttime...]

poop machine.

i had the most drunken birthday ever.
i did an irish carbomb with a bald man wearing an nhl jersey.
i had four drinks at the bar at one point.
i dont remember last night but i watched a video where i fell out of the car onto the sidewalk in front of my house and i couldnt get up.
i woke up with curly hair in my moes shirt. throw up everywhere.

matt dority took me to nikkimotos and we had champagne and sushi.

last night at fuego 25 people came and everyone sang to me.
chris came over last night to sleep in my bed and i got sick and he left and i wish he was still here.
this was the best birthday ever.

rico is having an affair with a stripper!

dylan is spinning at lennys tonight.

the alley at wendys.

this past weekend was the scooter ralley. we took jesse to rias for brunch.



then on monday night leigh came into town. girls drinking night included jessica dorman, leigh, kristie, anna, katie, ro, and i. anna was screaming at the neighbors and begging me to not do coke. kristie talked a lot. leigh made drinks. jessica looked beautiful. ro studied with josh. katie love amaretto. i was so happy with everyone there.



last night we went to the fair.



and right after this ride, i went to the bathroom and threw up my wendys.









ive made hardly enough money at work this week. we are not going to serve lunch anymore until november.
tonight i am going to get leighs birthday present at outwrite.

tomorrow at 9:00, everyone i called, meet me at fuego on crescent ave and 13th. after that, we are going to estoria. 11:00ish. for those of you who cant make it to fuego for dinner.

call me back!

xoxo

last night devin ro katie and i ate at table 1280. i had hanger steak and a glass of villa maria sauvingnon blanc. we had fondue and everyone caught a glimpse of matt. ive decided i really enjoy work. its a really fun, lucrative place.
scooter rally this weekend. i saw an entire pig skin in a field behind the masquerade. we did a family race and got eleven people on nicks scooter and sidecar. during the middle of it, i was screaming, get off my neck!
now its time for sushi.

anna nick and i are in my bed and im so tired.
i worked a ten hour shift tonight. out of eight tables i ended up with 154 dollars take home. not too bad.
i got pulled over because i didnt have my lights on. i was so tired i think the cop thought i was drunk.
'just dont rush it...its better that way.'
i wish i had a little patience and i didnt want to jump into everything and anything.
work is fun. everyone is fun.
patrick asked me if i had a freak fest last night.
i finally have a day off of work tomorrow.
i have nothing else to say.

at three in the morning i had someone make me spicy chicken in my kitchen.
and hes still in my bed.

i have things i want to say yet dont know how to say them.
recently everywhere i go, i walk around in a panic thinking i am going to run into people i am afraid to see. im lucky when i think about how i have been home for four months and i go to all of the same restaurants bars clubs grocery stores and video stores and still dont run into said people.
my heart hurts when i think of these things.

i was a good friend.




first day of real work on wednesday night. im thinking i will make about 250 a night.
250 x 4 = 1000
1000 x 4 = 4000 in takehome tips a month.

my dad is buying us a new washer and dryer and tv this week.

my birthday is in 9 days!

six feet under season four is out and right from the start it jumps into sadness. i was crying at the end.
i love my house and my roommates matt pat ro katie and jesse the siberian husky.

sister is married.
i was wine drunk last night in front of my entire family.
i hung out in a hot tub.
im growing my hair out.
sufjan tickets sold out!
my dad wants to buy our house and fix it up.
jesse!
everyone is back.

first day at work. i got a 35 dollar tip annd my bill wasnt even that much.
anna and keegan are going to work with me and its going to be fun.
i was walking our darling dog and i ran into keegan. [by the way, we dont even have to use a leash anymore. smartest dog ever. i guess thats because he looks like a wolf. siberia!] so fun having her as a neighbor.
dang memories. go away. feelings. go away.

hey now girl.

i cant sleep. three people in my bed is too close for comfort. its five am and i have to get up in three hours for my first day of serving. i am nervous. i hope i stand talk look walk carry the correct way. important people today.
jessie and i are about to sleep in the bed in pats other room.
we finished the oc last night. i was almost crying the whole episode. it was very upsetting.
sarah gets married on friday. outfit is still in the works. i bought lace gloves.

sigur ros was so amazing.

ba ba.

im going to get my motorcycle permit today.
jessie is the best dog ever. he howls when he wants to go outside. siberian huskies are the most beautiful dogs ever. he also carries around macho man in his mouth.
i bought a bedazzler yesterday for my masquerade dress.
oc is getting crazy. new season on thursday.
anna and katie are going to get jobs at the restaurant and we will allbe millionaires.
i serve on thursday and i still have 100 wines to learn and the rest of the lunch menu.
camping trip in the works.
black and white party on october 8. joint birthday party on october 1. my sister gets married on friday. shit.

i rode the scooter to sandy springs today.

i just got home from mjq. matt and i went and i had a nice time. i saw rami and rebekah and tom and jessica and richi and dylan and a few other people i enjpy. wendi too.
i saw jenn. shooo. things are weird now.
four drinks. im tired.
work again tomorrow.
i am going to be a millionaire.
my knee is getting a little better. crashing is so terrible. i am very nervous now when i am riding.