right now its 51º outside. im on the porch with the halloween lights on with jesse. we are smoking cigarettes.
everyone is upstairs watching hotel rwanda.
skateboard chris called me and wanted to hang out. and i was going to but i decided to stay here. nick is coming over and hopefully we can sit on the porch and have some quality time. dave called me and maybe ill see him tonight too.
i had my first bundled up cold scooter ride tonight on the way home from work. i love being cold. this winter feels like a new beginning for me. i am able to layer my clothing and cover everything up. maybe a little symbolic. i dont know.
leigh is now here.
i actually like someone.
i dont think about spencer. soon it will be over a year, where i can say, what was i doing this time last year, and it wont be sad memories. i long for those days. or i guess those days to come.
when i can make new yearly memories.
ive started keeping a journal, and i hadnt written in it since september of last year. i was so in love when i wrote in it last. i had just turned 21. spencer and i had been dating for four months. oh the honeymoon period. a few weeks ago jesse chewed up a gift from spencer. i took a picture of it because i felt like it was a little reminiscent of how i feel about our relationship now. cheesy im sure. i saw so sad when i saw it. i threw myself on the bed. and i remembered when holden has ripped a little in the gift and spencer threw himself on the bed and cried. and said how he had wanted me to have it forever.
everyone is here, so i am going to wrap this up.